https://youtu.be/JTGge2YkUMI

I guess one of my Achilles heels is my inability to look toward the future because my mind is always grasping at the past.

Death surrounds us, inescapable, hovering, watching and chomping at the bit.

It's not death that scares me, its the idea that my mind and soul will go away, that all the things in life will go away and I will never wake up and that I never existed... and when I'm dead, life will go on for everyone else and I will never have or will have existed except in pictures.

Just a note... I'm not editing these journals at all so, 90% of the writing I wouldn't even pass off as an 8th grader's-- its all just tell tell tell and details quickly written to the page and I'm leaving them as such until I ever need to use them for something at which point I will craft then. I'm just trying to get them all preserved digitally so they hopefully would never get lost whether I use them creatively or just as a footprint to who I was one time in a galaxy far away.

I think that once I get through this latest journal, I will take a break from copying them and reread Fat Habits and see if I can find some flaws that can be fixed. It's been so long since I edited it, and after such a long drought of it, now would be the time to see things more clearly. Then maybe try and publish it somewhere or... if its too daunting right now, move on with Gone, another story I started awhile ago, maybe in 2011.