College journal 1989

Feb 9

 

 

This is something I’m working on. I wrote it on emotion. I wanted it to convey the feeling— the sad feeling of being alone and near helpless in a life plagued with circumstance often not under our control. Often there is no one (even our collection of myths) to help us out of our sad situations or fates. It isn’t really a poem, maybe a song or just thoughts. Not sure what I’m going to do with it or not. Some time in her life she grew up and experienced something painful and realized it was her out there all alone that was accountable for overcoming what may come. The heroes have fallen from grace and become more realistic. I wanted to take these figures and give them a different meaning, twisting the traditional sense of the characters that we have come to know and expect.

 

I’m not sure what we are expected to write about in this journal. Must it be thoughts in prose or can they sometimes be little creative things? Or both?

In the morning parlor

The children all confidently gaze

At television figures

And mother begins to holler

 

Shut that damn thing off do you hear?

There is work to be done in here today

She never liked such foolish cartoons

Even as a child, absurd, she’d say.

 

Superman could fly through the sky

Turning those villainous grins

And though sometimes in flight, now

Prefers smoke and gin in the basement.

 

Achilles she’d read about in books

The strongest in the world of Greece

And Jason and his Argonauts

Ruined by the golden fleece

 

Aquaman cut through water like a missile

now cutting down a rainy street

Talking to the bums

Begging for change

 

Batman and Robin once fought crime

In darkened Gotham

Holy Jesus say Robin, oh Commissioner

Could you spare a dime?

 

Wonder Woman was so elegant

In her fabulous hidden plane

Now she’s living in a brothel

Pawned her Immortal Bracelet

 

Captain America was so fair

In his bold red, white and blue

Now he’s trading needles with the monkeys

Behind the cage at the zoo

 

Shut that damn thing off do you hear?

There is work to be done in here today

She never liked those silly cartoons

Even as a child, absurd she’d say

 

Now at midnight in the quiet hour

She reflects on her anguished life

Not knowing when her spirit died

Or when her heroes lost power

 

Did she read the papers too much?

The senseless obituaries

Khadafy’s murderous touch

Or was it her younger brother

Who lies beneath the ground

Having left this world too soon.

 

 

 

 

Feb 12

I’m smoking a Marlboro and drinking Old Thompson’s Whiskey with Pepsi. I am just sitting down and my mind is empty of organized thought. It is in a free flow motion and I am bored, tired and a little sad.

 

I’m also upset because my Math class moves too fast for my mind. Math is my least favorite study and the one discipline I’m not too good at understanding. Class moves too quick and I feel helpless, angry…. I want to slap the instructor in the face and say, “stop! Slooooooww down." I’m not sure if I have time for tutoring because I am a working boy.

 

I’ve written letters to my friend Rich all weekend. He has been my best friend since 1985 and he is in basic training at Fort Knox, Kentucky. All through my letters I’ve tried to convey to him the feeling of “home”— Randolph life that he used to know and despise and love. I think I’ve succeeded but I won’t know until I get his reply.

 

I’m also not prepared (at this moment) to face the impending week. I feel disorganized, unmotivated, and drained. I haven’t accomplished much this weekend. I played ice hockey, wrote letters, drank, spent time with my girlfriend, bowled, ate and slept— pretty spontaneously too and now I have to face a week of discipline— school, work and homework. Oh well… poor me. I feel like saying, “now Jim, get off your lazy stupid ass and get back out there!” I am not convinced.

I’m uptight and tense. Even sex hasn’t done the trick.Sex is great but all those who think it’s the ultimate soul reliever are liars and insensitive bastards. Unless of course, I’m doing something wrong.

 

This is a journal. Right? Ten minutes of free writing a night, huh? I suppose most people keep journals and write for themselves. No. They lie. Journals are only half truths. People have a tendency to pretty up their lives or melodramatify them and their situations. I don’t keep journals. I gave them up. Let’s face it, reality is boring so we like to make it better. So right now I’m not writing in a journal for the sake of that idea. I’m writing to you, I guess. Maybe I’m not. I’m not sure. At least that’s how I perceive it right now so, no offense. I don’t really think of this as homework. I think of it as a ritual of the soul.

 

Now I’ll reread that and listen to my thoughts and words pour over the page like sour juice. My words will probably hypnotize me ———— Yes! Hypnotize!

 

One of the reasons I’m upset is that I had a goal for the weekend that I didn’t accomplish. I had planned on spending time on algebra formulas, reading history book and finalizing a static scene paper for you. I didn’t do any of it. I spent an hour on math tonight but am just as confused as I was before. I am facing a busy week.

 

My deepest desire right now is… to pack my bags, get out, leave with Dano and Slabs and get out of Randolph. I want to just leave— anywhere. I just want to leave Randolph for a while and live somewhere for a week, anywhere— paradise— heaven— hell— and sometimes heaven is hell— it’s all the way you perceive things and what interests you, some people love war and killing strangers.

 

Anyway, don’t be surprised if I’m not in class for a week down the road.

I’m signing off. Good night.

Commercial (skit)

 

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Video ideas

 

Brandy as Slugs McUtley

The girls as Slugs lover

 

Will the real Rich B please stand up

Fill in pieces of his life, all embarrassing parts

 

Maine mountain shots (this in Blue Hills or Hollywood)

 

Tonya with dirty diapers and the chocolate covered hands and face

 

Utley news center segment

 

It’s fun to find out what Dano’s shit really smells like….

 

Before and after (slabs and Kevin)

 

This and that and nothing and something card game

 

 

 

____ Tonya playing in the yard. Dano walks over, picks her up and says, “Oops, Tonya did a nasty.” Dano lays her down, undresses and undoes the diaper. It is a tough sell and it gets messy as he mistakenly gets some on his hand and wipes his cheek and he shakes his head and grimaces and says, “there’s got to be an easier way.”

 

Narrator voice over: don’t let a tough task get you down. With our new easy disposable Chunkies diapers, even the tough task of diaper changing can be fun.

 

 

Jim: Hey look at this

Dano: Hey look at that

Jim: here, take this

Dano: ok take that

Jim: take this and that

Dano: hey here’s something

Jim: I got nothing

Dano: Well, take something

Jim: here’s something for nothing

Dano: just like your life

Jim: take this something

Dano: take that nothing

Jim: say what?

 

 

Utley News Segment

 

Good evening and I’m Chuck Wagon and this is CNO news report. In Washington yesterday, hundreds of gay activists, alarmed at the growing rate of gay bashing took to the streets in protest. One big concern is that there are not enough programs to educate bashing offenders. Bill Cod from Georgia said, “These injustices… they are hard to swallow.” They staged the protest outside the White House in a united front. Dick Hertz from Holden put it bluntly, saying, “There are just too many holes and cracks. The system is flawed.” No further update as of yet.