Ham Back Mountain, a parody (2009)

Opening shot of Henrico Packer. He is standing at an electrical panel, working. He is a happy worker. His apprentice enters with stock.

 

Apprentice: Lunch time.

Henrico: No lunch for me today. You go ahead though.

Apprentice sits down and opens his lunchbox. He unravels the foil that wraps the sub sandwich. Henrico looks at his helper and as the sandwich is revealed, Henrico stares at the sandwich as if he had just fallen in love with it. He is starry-eyed.

 

(fade to next scene)

 

Henrico stands in line at the deli waiting for his ticket number to be called. He looks over his shoulder as if someone were spying on him.

 

(fade into next scene)

 

Henrico is at home with his wife at the kitchen table. He is reading the deli supermarket flyer.

Wife: I’m making chicken parm tonight and you will eat it.

Henrico: Sorry I can’t stay for dinner. I have to finish up that side job.

Wife: Seems like you do an awful lot of side jobs these days.

 

(fade into next scene)

 

He is in the kitchen. Henrico fondles the sliced ham and massages the cheese. He gets ready to take the bread and give it the meat. His wife enters.

Wife: I can’t live this charade anymore. You have to make a choice. It’s me or the Ham.

He looks at the Ham.

Henrico: I can’t quit you.

 

(fade into next scene)

 

Henrico is on a ladder and he is obviously distraught and slow moving. His foreman takes notice of his attitude.

Foreman: Pick it up. You ain’t got the rough done yet.

Henrico: I need more time.

Foreman: I reckon you been doin’ a lot more up in there than running wires.

A mustard packet falls from Henrico’s tool belt. The Foreman sees it and steps on it.

Foreman: Now get your tools off this job. And take that damn sandwich with you.

A montage. The theme music from Brokeback Mountain plays in the background. Henrico taking a bite of Ham Sandwich. Henrico out to dinner with Ham Sandwich who has own seat, a high chair. Henrico walking on the beach with Ham Sandwich. Henrico and Ham Sandwich on a mountain trail, backpacking. Henrico and Ham Sandwich at retro movie theater watching, Porky’s.